Thursday, December 19, 2013
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
The second? A boy I've had a crush on since middle school who persists I'm making more of our brief time together than should be. I haven't made any demands or applied any pressure. I haven't tried to pressure him into a definition of what we are or aren't. I just generally enjoyed his company and genuinely enjoyed his company. Nothing less, nothing more...and suddenly because I reach out and text him I've become some sort of codependent monster. I'm not meant to have friends lovers or brothers and I'd get into that but there's way too many people who can't wait for me to say something about my twin so they can stir the pot.
I give up.
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Monday, December 16, 2013
Sunday, December 15, 2013
Friday, December 13, 2013
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Monday, December 9, 2013
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Saturday, December 7, 2013
Friday, December 6, 2013
It’s just you and me Sometimes it feels like there’s three of us in here baby So I, wait for you to call And I try to act natural have you been thinking ’bout her or about me And while I wait I put on my perfume, yeah I want it all over you I gotta mark my territory I’ll never tell, tell on myself but I hope she smells my perfum
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
I hear the train a comin' It's rolling round the bend And I ain't seen the sunshine since I don't know when, I'm stuck in Folsom prison, and time keeps draggin' on But that train keeps a rollin' on down to San Antone..
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
Monday, December 2, 2013
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Thursday, November 28, 2013
I'll be spending this Thanksgiving in our new home. I love it. I've never really cared for going out on Thanksgiving. Where ever we would go it would be crowded and I'd run into at least a baker's dozen of ignorant people who, although it's a holiday would still find ways to make fun of me or openly yell slurs in my direction.
My court date got postponed. It will be next Wednesday. I'd say this gives me another week to worry about it but I'm not worried anymore. It will be what it will be and my lawyer is confident it will be ex sponged.
That and besides the dreadful water testing company I've been working for I have 2 interviews for preschools and a pet store just in case my job decides to terminate me regardless of what the court says.
I WILL CLARIFY AGAIN I DON'T WANT TO LOSE MY JOB for the mere fact that you never know who is going to read what you put out into the universe and I know my fair share of people who would twist whatever I say for their own personal gain or to just cause drama because it feeds their empty lives.
In aquarium news (which I'm pretty sure no one cares about! Lol! But I find it fascinating) I got 2 more African dwarf frogs to keep Gimli company. Unfortunately I can no longer tell which one is Gimli anymore because they're identical but they all seem much more content with more than one frog in the tank. I've also added a golden mystery snail which is the type of snail I had before when I had that godforsaken goldfish tank and they murdered him. His name was Saurmon so this snail will also be named Saurmon. The blue mystery snail is ridiculously content sitting in one spot and exceedingly boring but Saurmon is much more active.
I've finally made a new friend. We met by happenstance. I was leaving to go to one of the water testing job's functions and she happened to be getting out of her car at the same time. She introduced herself and I invited her over and she's just simply lovely. We have so much in common it's ridiculous.
The first time she came over we took turns playing vinyl and just talking. It was bliss.
I've been so wound up with the move and my job I may or may not get fired from because of how time consuming it is and it was just nice to let my hair down and finally open up to someone.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.
Monday, November 25, 2013
The day after tomorrow I face the first part of my fate. Who knows what the court will decide and if what they decide will have any effect on the decision of whether or not I get to keep my job.
Today I went to the new job I got just in case I do get fired and while I had fun at the training the job itself is impossible.
My income is completely dependant on making 10 house visits a week to test their water. If I don't test 10 people's houses in a week I get paid nothing. I'm going to continue with the training and hopefully I either won't get fired or I'll get hired at this daycare I applied to who wants to interview me December 8th. Or the pet store I applied to will hired me. It's only part time but it's better than not knowing if you're going to make a paycheck each week.
I got Gandalf, my betta fish, some companions today. I got an aquatic mystery snail (why they call it a mystery snail I have no clue) and an African dwarf frog. I named the frog Gimli. Although I don't have much faith in his survival. Maybe he needs time to acclimate but I always get nervous when they won't eat. The snail, who remains nameless will have plenty to eat between the algae wafers I have and the algae that will accumulate in the tank.
I also had to get a new heater because the other heater I was using that was labeled "up to five gallons" really didn't seem to make the water warm. I returned two betta heaters I had, the afromentioned one and another one I had to get a really nice one where you set the temperature. It's set at 80 degrees and has finally reached that and Gandalf is quite peppy again.
When he first noticed the snail and Gimli it was hysterical. He just kept staring at them, would poke them and then stare at them again.
He certainly is the strangest betta I've ever had. He likes to go over to the filter and wrap himself around it and let it such on him. He also likes to lay on the fake plants.
I managed to a new friend and she lives across the street. I met her on my way to my new job today as I was getting into my car and she's coming over tomorrow. We both collect vinyl. I'm very excited to have someone over who I can share things with. I do hope we become close.
My faith may be wavering but I'm not beating myself up about it anymore. I did what I did. It's just the waiting that makes me feel like I'm going back to black.
Saturday, November 23, 2013
It's another day but one day closer to my court day where my fate will be decided in more ways than one.
I know society expects someone who has done something unequivocally wrong to beat themselves up about it, to beg for forgiveness and commit other various acts of self loathing but I'm done with that portion of this experience.
I'm owning it and have owned it and there's nothing left to do but dust myself off and head in the right, well no, a better direction. No one can define "the right" path anymore than someone can define normal. It's all relative and completely subjective and no two people are working with the same variables.
I want to keep my job but yesterday I realized with a lot of help from a new book I've started reading, a place of yes by Bethenny Frankel, that I need to be realistic and start looking for a new job just in case. I am deserving of a job regardless of my actions.
I have a promising lead and probable interview for a local preschool and submitted an application to another local preschool establishment.
Today is my older brother's birthday and they're celebrating here and it will be awkward considering my current predicament but I'm coming from a place of yes and I'm not repenting anymore.
Friday, November 22, 2013
Another day has gone bye and I feel more and more useless with each passing hour. I went on a job interview today and I got the job but we figured out it's probably a scam. Let me just clarify I'm only looking for other jobs in the event that where I currently work does choose to fire me.
I've applied to just about every ad on Craigslist that I think I'm even slightly capable of doing but to no avail.
I just feel deep down that no matter what the result of the court case they are going to terminate me and I can't waste time being unemployed.
I feel good, I walk alone But then I trip by myself and I fall I, I stand up, and then I'm okay But then you print that shit That makes me want to scream
The job hunt continues. I went all over Clifton Park and basically no one is hiring. I did find a few day care establishments who are looking to hire and my resume will show I'm more than qualified for any position than may have.
Let me clarify I'm only looking for a job in the event that I get terminated. I can't wait for a grenade to explode in my lap before I take action and do what's best for me.
I've received a shocking amount of support from fellow coworkers that means more than words can express. Especially considering I did something unquestionably wrong even if it wasn't out of malicious intent or frivolity.
Well all except one. One coworker who I thought I had developed a close relationship with who is telling people she just thinks I'm going to be terminated. It's really disappointing. Especially when no one can have anyway to predict the outcome. I'll admit that I feel I don't deserve sympathy but I know I don't deserve disrespect or to aid anyone in gossip mongering.
We live in a world where we've lost all sense of humanity.
" You can’t have my heart
And you won't use my mind but
Do what you want (with my body)
Do what you want with my body
You can’t stop my voice cause
You don't own my life but
Do what you want (with my body)
Do what you want (with my body)"