Thursday, November 7, 2013

False advertising

Topic of the day- false advertising. 
We all know whether it be the first date or going out to catch one on the line we do whatever we can to make ourselves look perfect and sometimes even better than we actually look. 
Is this false advertising?
I'll share my expierences. 
I do mostly online dating because meeting gay men in public in my area is like finding the last unicorn. 
On more than a few occasions I've done anything and everything I can to look flawless. A little make up, doing and redoing my hair until it's perfect and dressing in my finest and often most uncomfortable clothes. 
Admit it- male or female- you've all done it. But did you ever wonder what happens when they see you without all the help, just with what you've got?
I can honestly and truthfully say that the more "perfect" I look on a date the higher the chances of an undesirable outcome. I either end up not being taken seriously or believed to have any brains. Or they think I'm easy and want a hook up. Or they rush everything and suck the romance out of the entire evening faster than Edward Cullen sucks a deer dry. 
My best outcomes on dates that turned into relationships were when I didn't have the time to smooth away all the imperfections or sometimes just look like crap. I certainly don't feel more confident but maybe the vulnerability makes truly getting to know someone more tangible.
I had a fianc√©. He was a foreigner from Germany. I had to pick up from the train station at the ass crack of dawn and looked horrendous because I had absolutely no desire to even try. We had had countless conversations over the Internet and texted pictures back and forth, pictures of myself at my finest. At the time I hadn't considered he'd take a look at me and think "what the hell if he runs the other way?!"  
Well he got off the train looking like he stepped off a GQ magazine and I ran over to him, he scooped me up in his arms, passionately kissed me, then held my face in his hands and in his thick accent said "you look so beautiful". I was shocked and had never felt more beautiful than I did in that moment in my entire life. 
So over they years I've slowly abandoned the primping, pulling, tucking and covering. Don't get me wrong. I like to look glamorous. I like to know I look my absolute best with all the enhancements and additives but I want to feel that way for me not for someone else. And I'd rather know that the person sitting across from me on a date likes what before him without all the additives then waste my time by trying to keep up an illusion and in the process, losing the appreciation I have for the way I actually look.
Does that mean I wear sweat pants and a stained shirt to every first date? No. I simply wear the clothes that I feel most confident in (which if you're wondering is usually a skin tight pair of pants, a t-shirt that I find to be wonderful, and a blazer with a scarf.). 
If you want someone to fall in love with you, be YOU.

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