Thursday, September 12, 2013

I belong to no one

Love...what is it really? 
I'm 27 years old and I thought perhaps even know I was in love once. He was everything I could've asked for in a lover, a human being, a heart. 
We fell fast. He came from a different country and was plopped her, abandoned by the college who's foreign exchange student program he had enrolled in. 
I took care of him, probably in much the same way a wife takes care of her husband with the added task of helping him decipher American social inadequacies and idiosyncrasies. 
But it was love and it was pure. I felt safe in wrapped in his arms, content in a way I had never known or experienced sense waking up nestled in what Carrie Bradshaw would call his nook. And then it all came to a screeching halt. His parents became aware of our relationship  via a jealous female foreign exchange student from hong long who had been trolling the campus for 8 years unwilling to return to her home country who probably detested her presence as much as I did (I'll admit there were a few physical altercations, my most treasured when I ripped her hair extensions out leaving patches of bald spots and setting them ablaze in front of her face making it bluntly aware that if she reported any physical altercations to the cops she would promptly be deported). Apparently in Turkish culture it's not only an embarrassment but forbidden to be a homosexual.
Ever since then a few men have come and gone...they never lasted and I wasn't sure if it was my own doing. Some "I've had the best" complex or just my unwillingness to commit to face the same fate. 
They say love happens when you least expect it, it appears when you're least expecting it like the proverbial white stag. 
I stopped looking a long time ago. And then the possibility fell into my lap and as you can probably guess it amounted to as much as Kelly Rowland's solo career has. 
Elton John sang it best "I want love, but it's impossible". 
People try to tell me it's just as hard for straight people but they haven't taking a visit to the gay realm. A realm full of pretend realities, sheep dressed as wolves and men in search of the next drug they can shove up their nose or the next ass they can plow their wing wang in. 

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