Thursday, October 10, 2013

Turn up the radio...and the truth will come out

As we all know (unless you don't read my which case I guess you wouldn't) after years of writing Madonna off I finally gave her a chance and her last album MDNA really blew me away. Yes, my gay tribe, I know I'm more than a year behind as far as this album is concerned and behind from birth as far as Madonna is concerned but I have my reasons. 
I stated a few before but unlike most of my musical tastes that compromise a myriad of "controversial" artists (that my mother swears I only like because they piss her off)I rejected her. I grew up around her music because my sister had her cassettes and you're an idiot if you are unaware of her completely. But my outward loathing of her (that has since been relinquished) began when the inevitable comparisons to Lady Gaga started and Madonna's outward attack on her started.  I could see the surface comparisons but if you follow Lady Gaga from the start like I accidentally did you know they're truly nothin alike. If she's [Lady Gaga] borrowed or "stole" (which is a ridiculous term to use as there isn't one single completely unique recording artist out there) from anyone it would be Cher and Annie Lenox. If you go back and watch Cher's early days a lot of Lady Gaga's looks can be seen. Same with Annie Lenox. Both of which have respect and support her. 
The main differences between Lady Gaga and Madonna is Madonna is an entertainer. Not a singer. Very limited vocal capabilities and if she sings at all it's too her own voice track. All the queens in the gayuniverse can deny this but watch her concerts, it's crystal clear. Lady Gaga is both an entertainer and a singer who will pull out a few accapella numbers. 
The other main difference between the two in my opinion is Lady Gaga doesn't do things or dress the way she does simply for shock value. There's a thought process behind it and it can only be called art (yes! Even her meat dress). Madonna does things for the mere shock value and it's a brilliant buisness move. She's made herself cotinuely relevant by doing shocking things and having absolutely no continuity. Lady Gaga does have continuity. 
But before the queens strap on their strappy spike heels and burn rainbows and crosses on my front lawn (crosses because of the like a prayer video, not for religious purposes) what changed my opinion about Madonna was for some reason I watched the MDNA concert and was blown away. 
This lead me to buy the MDNA album (fucking edited because I could only find it at walmart where you can buy a gun and bullets but not a parental advisory CD) which I can't get enough of.
But there's one song that really struck a cord with me (pun intended). Some of the lyrics are on the picture above, the ones I find most poignant. 
It just lifted my spirits and helped me look at things from the outside, something I don't excel at which my extended family can not only attest to but have substantial proof. 
It really made me take a long look at all the actions I've taken In the past few months and in doing so letting the past go which I should've done in the first place. This song "Turn up the radio" made me realize I was holding on to more than expired emotional hatred and I wasted so much energy and pushed my family away in the process and gained what? Nothing. 
Being able to look at everything I had done, felt, said, yelled, and typed while listening to this song made me realize what an ass I was and that if the other side of my family truly didn't care about me they'd have nothing to do with me at all. And I need to stop being so centered around my feelings and not only look at my actions but look at it from their perspectives. 
No, I didn't get the kind of support I thought I wanted back then but then if I look at the otherside of my family's feelings I would have found all the answers a year ago. 
Thanks to the Madonna's power of clairvoyance I looked at how I dealt with two of the most important people in my life's sickness and subsquent death.  I tried to avoid it, to hide. Not because I was selfish but because I didn't want to believe it was happening and I couldn't handle it. Maybe this is where they were coming from too. 
But there is no denying I was wrong. And I wish I had had this ability last year but perhaps without all the back and forth conflict I never would have. 
I've already changed a lot (contrary to one once family friend's opinion). I stepped up and am working hard to pay my family back because of the many times they've had to have my back. I won't lie. Working a 63 hour week is really and truly hard. But it's about time they got to have things easy and if that means staying up for 17 hours straight to go home and sleep for 3 hours to go back to work for 9 hours then so be it. I'm not sick and I'm not a drug addict anymore and there's no excuse for me not to contribute what I can or even better more than I can. 
And I also wolill say a very few number of coworkers haven't made this transition from child care and teaching to residential support counsellor easy or in some ways possible. One in particular who continues to make it more difficult for me in the most abrasive way. But it's worth it. I can show my family I care and I have their backs for a change. 
Who knew Madonna could be used as therapy and self reflection and not just as background music for a gay bar where everyone is snorting lines in the bathroom and popping mollies and e like they're going out of style while having unprotected sex with complete strangers sometimes in the bathroom but usually on the dance floor?   

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