Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Like a skyscraper

Being diagnosed with Bipolar depressive disorder has been a real eye opener.
It finally gave me the sight that so many take for granted. I lived a life of constant conflict. Conflict with people, situations, even every day tasks.
Now I'm able to look at these situations and take a step back, get a good 3 dimensional look before I react.
I won't sit here and type and say I have this mastered. If I did I'd be the first on the planet.
I also would be lying if I said it didn't feel wonderful and freeing. It also is terrifying in many aspects. I can now look back and see all the damage I created and it's been a lot of work to try and go back and mend those fences and rebuild those bridges.
Part of me wonders if people think I'm totally fixed. If they expect me to walk around with a permanent smile on my face and be lost in a haze of happiness and that if I do have a negative reaction to something or someone if it just gets chalked up to me being bipolar.
Am I suppose to be void of negativity? Am I suppose to be super human?
How long am I suppose to try to show people who are important to me that I've changed before giving up?

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