Friday, November 28, 2014

Pig, pig!I've been everywhere that you've beenNow I've got nothing to lose and everything to win

I feel so betrayed by my family.
I'm laying here wondering what the point of this life is.
Is it to leave good impressions with people?
Is it to abandon everything you believe in to keep people in your life?
Is it to trust and keep on trusting only to find out you've been lied to each and every time?
I lay here wondering what's the difference between living and dying in front of these people.
I can say, honestly and without reservation that if it weren't for my birds I'd seriously consider the methods of suicide I researched on again and off again.
If getting help of my own accord and working on that help and actually changing only to have nothing else and no one else change what's the point?
I thought about the train tracks where I live before I got Olaf. But for some reason the trains around my home go incredibly slow so I think I'd choose sleeping pills.
But this sweet little bird along with Odette keep me going. Their love doesn't waiver based on their other children or grandchildren. Or because I'm simply seeking and apology from someone who wronged me.
I'm just always going to be wrong unless I'm silent and void of emotion.
Hopefully Olaf and Odette stay around for a long time or I find a man where I can have a fresh start and get out from under the opinions and ill wishing of people who are suppose to be closest to me.

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