Friday, November 28, 2014

I'm the big bad wolf, so let the games begin πŸ–πŸ·

What a mess.
I feel like all the progress I've made mentally with navigating bipolar disorder has been ripped to shreds and thrown in the trash.
Why?, you may ask?
Someone in my family attacked me via facebook (the mature way and place to say to someone "hey I don't like what you said" or "I don't like how you said that") and then allowed their fiancΓ© to do the same but by using bigoted terms about my sexual orientation.
All this because, yes believe it or not, I agreed with what she said on facebook. Now I'm portrayed as the person I tried so hard not to be, to get away from, and to make healthy.
All because I expected what anyone, Bipolar or not, would. An apology.
Did I get one? No. Why would I?
I'm expected to change, be different, roll over while everyone else can be the same animal they've always been.
Instead I got put on trial, like always, and had to scramble to find ways to prove myself, all the while this family member is slinging insults at me via text and not expected to apologize for that either.
I came to the conclusion today that I'm not going to treatment to make people like me, to be a show pony, or hinge the results of my hard work on the opinion of a pack of animals who have never been there for me and in the grand scheme of things play such a small role in my life and no role in my recovery.
I'm done focusing on the negative and putting myself in negative situations.
We have Christmas every year at this particular animal's house and I'm not going. I'm not going to set myself back for the sake of keeping up appearances.
The tables have turned and if they want to be in my life they have to work for it.
The only one from that side of the family that truly bothers me is my youngest niece who has said, not to me, to my mother over and over she supports me and sees a change, through that out at the first sign of difficulty. Well I'd like to thank her for clarifying that that was never true. Support doesn't just disappear at the sign of the first rough patch.
She's one of the reasons I've tried so hard. And I think that's part of the problem in this equation.
It's for me. Not anyone else. Support me or get out of my way.

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