Some people

I'm hoping and praying tomorrow I will get that preschool job tomorrow. After that I'm pretty much out of options or places to turn besides that in home daycare I've been subbing at which is only 3 hours a day. 

Things are awkward at my home to say the least. I can't even really remember what I said to my mother last night in my drunken stupor but we're barely acknowledging each other.  

Here's focusing my positive energy towards tomorrow. And i think I'm still going on a date with that guy after my second interview but I haven't heard from him and if I don't get the job I probably won't even want to go.

Alien

Well my job, the ARC, where I was ttaking care of one adult with disabilities decided to let me go. I was beyond shocked. It was as if someone had squeezed all the air out of my lungs and flipped my stomach inside out while simultaneously pulling it through my rectum. 

Regardless of the judge's ruling the ARC decided there was still some degree of risk that I would take something from the gentlemen I work with because I was accused of but not charged with or found guilty of petty larceny. And regardless of the fact that there wasn't so much as penny missing from his money, a pill out of place, in fact if anything I gave him so many things. 

I'm technically not "fired", they continued my unpaid administrative leave for 6 more months. Probably as a shrewd attempt to try and prevent me from collecting unemployment but I know I'll be able to and hopefully I won't even need to cross that bridge. 

Will I go back in 6 months?  Most likely not. I don't function well with hypocrisy, especially when it's so flagrant. I should have just stayed in daycare. Same results as so many schools I 

Worked at. 

I said to the second highest superior who was totally in my corner and advocated for me that I just can't wrap my mind around the decision for the mere fact that all the work I've done with the gentleman I've worked with will be unraveled and I won't even be able to let him know it wasn't my decision to not work with him anymore. 

But I'm moving on. My passion has always been working with children and perhaps this was the universe's way of telling me it's time to move on. To move back to what is my passion and my truth

It’s just you and me Sometimes it feels like there’s three of us in here baby So I, wait for you to call And I try to act natural have you been thinking ’bout her or about me And while I wait I put on my perfume, yeah I want it all over you I gotta mark my territory I’ll never tell, tell on myself but I hope she smells my perfum

I woke up at 5 am for no reason. Well probably because the fate of my employment is still hanging in the balance. The choice seems pretty cut and dry . It was exsponged. I still don't have a record because I wasn't convicted of crime why there is still a question as to whether or not I should still be employed there I have no idea. The lawyer and even the judge couldn't understand why my current place of employment would consider terminating me as what I was charged with isn't remotely related to my profession and I was acquitted of it. 

BIt I'm not worry about anymore. I already have one preschool interested in me and another preschool interview today. 

Speaking of interested in me a guy I grew up with who I had a crush on from middle school all the way through college is interested in me.I would have never dreamed in a million years that he'd pop up in my okcupid feed as a match. Hes exactly what ive been looking for. Open mminded, artistic, spiritual and intelligent. I'm coming from a place of yes. I just want to see where it goes and enjoy his company. It will go in whatever direction it goes and I'm happy for that.

Don't be insecure

It's another day but one day closer to my court day where my fate will be decided in more ways than one.
I know society expects someone who has done something unequivocally wrong to beat themselves up about it, to beg for forgiveness and commit other various acts of self loathing but I'm done with that portion of this experience.
I'm owning it and have owned it and there's nothing left to do but dust myself off and head in the right, well no, a better direction. No one can define "the right" path anymore than someone can define normal. It's all relative and completely subjective and no two people are working with the same variables.
I want to keep my job but yesterday I realized with a lot of help from a new book I've started reading, a place of yes by Bethenny Frankel, that I need to be realistic and start looking for a new job just in case. I am deserving of a job regardless of my actions.
I have a promising lead and probable interview for a local preschool and submitted an application to another local preschool establishment.
Today is my older brother's birthday and they're celebrating here and it will be awkward considering my current predicament but I'm coming from a place of yes and I'm not repenting anymore. 

Too much of nothing

Another day has gone bye and I feel more and more useless with each passing hour. I went on a job interview today and I got the job but we figured out it's probably a scam. Let me just clarify I'm only looking for other jobs in the event that where I currently work does choose to fire me.
I've applied to just about every ad on Craigslist that I think I'm even slightly capable of doing but to no avail.
I just feel deep down that no matter what the result of the court case they are going to terminate me and I can't waste time being unemployed.