It’s just you and me Sometimes it feels like there’s three of us in here baby So I, wait for you to call And I try to act natural have you been thinking ’bout her or about me And while I wait I put on my perfume, yeah I want it all over you I gotta mark my territory I’ll never tell, tell on myself but I hope she smells my perfum

I woke up at 5 am for no reason. Well probably because the fate of my employment is still hanging in the balance. The choice seems pretty cut and dry . It was exsponged. I still don't have a record because I wasn't convicted of crime why there is still a question as to whether or not I should still be employed there I have no idea. The lawyer and even the judge couldn't understand why my current place of employment would consider terminating me as what I was charged with isn't remotely related to my profession and I was acquitted of it. 

BIt I'm not worry about anymore. I already have one preschool interested in me and another preschool interview today. 

Speaking of interested in me a guy I grew up with who I had a crush on from middle school all the way through college is interested in me.I would have never dreamed in a million years that he'd pop up in my okcupid feed as a match. Hes exactly what ive been looking for. Open mminded, artistic, spiritual and intelligent. I'm coming from a place of yes. I just want to see where it goes and enjoy his company. It will go in whatever direction it goes and I'm happy for that.

I hear the train a comin' It's rolling round the bend And I ain't seen the sunshine since I don't know when, I'm stuck in Folsom prison, and time keeps draggin' on But that train keeps a rollin' on down to San Antone..

Today's the day. My court date. Which will not only determine what I will be charged with, if anything and if I get to keep my current job. I'm nervous but not as nervous as I thought I'd be. I'm more relieved that it's here and I won't be stuck in this purgatory of immobility. 

But to start off my day and because I've needed some source of income since I've been on unpaid administrative leave and the water testing job turned out to be more or less a scam I will be plunking my ass down and taste testing soda this morning. 

The daycare interview went amazingly well so I do have a back up plan if my current job decides to terminate me. The daycare wants me, they loved my portfolio but just don't have a start date yet. 

I don't know when, I don't know how, but I know something is starting right now

Yesterday was just tedious and tiresome . It started with realizing my brand new car charger from my phone had reached an untimely fate...I guess upon unplugging it the night before I had accidentally let it land in a cup of soda in my car. I put it in my air vent to let it dry out but even after it dried out it was dead in the worst and most complete way. Which wouldn't really have mattered if the water company I've been working at didn't have me driving all over creation and I wasn't so directionally challenged and relied on my phone's gps app. 

Then I ended up testing my cousins water which was fun but after I had to find a car charger to get back to the office and I had left my wallet at home so I had to find a Verizon store and fast. Well after 3 false leads from Verizon's own gps I finally found on in time to get stuck in 5 o'clock traffic on my way back to the office where I essentially trolled old phone lists we had to find more people to test their water and only managed to get one elderly woman to pick up who kept thinking I was saying I wanted to test her washer. 

Then I went on my final appointment which I thought for sure would amount in sale and it didn't. I just went home completely defeated. 

But today is a new day and I have an interview for an after school teaching position. I couldn't be more excited. Even if they don't want me getting to be back in the environment is food for my soul. 

Tomorrow is my court date and the fate of my job will be decided but the court's decision. I'll just be glad for this whole episode to be over so I can move on one way or the other. 

I just have a great feeling about today and I'm definitely coming from a place of yes. 

I know the validity of self help books in general is scoffed at by a lot of people but reading Bethenny Frankel's book, a place of yes has really helped me take a good hard look at myself. And more importantly a good hard healthy look at myself. 

In the words of Ariel I don't when I don't know how but something is starting right now and it's going to be great. 

weird

It's so strange to be In a new house/home. It just hit me now. Albeit I'm a bit tipsy from several vodka shots but as I came upstairs to my floor of the new house with left over apple pie clasped tightly in my hand with a heavy amount of whipped topping. 

I stopped by the house I grew up in for no other than purpose than to see if my law and order svu season 13 was still there. It was strange. I had spent my entire life in that house. And all that was left was the debris of a life that was left behind. I didn't and still haven't located my season 13 of law and order svu but it hit me. This is no longer your home. My former room lay bare and cold. Empty except the items I discarded and my betta fish, Falcore who didn't survive the move and memories. Memories everywhere. The first boy I had over. The first boyfriend who slept over. The 5 months I spent bed ridden from cancer, isolated in one spot, discarded and forgotten by so many. 

I don't think I'd have a moment but I did. The pain, the pleasure,  the good and the bad. It was all there before me. But I'm not sad. I didn't cry which even surprised myself because I can cry at the drop of a hat. 

This new home feels right. And in many ways has helped with my healing process of the biological and mental terrorist that cancer was. That and the years of torment Clifton Park served. It was time to move on long ago. 

Of course there are ghosts that will follow you no matter where you go. But they are lessened here. I'm not coming home to the room that turned into a cell of sorts. 

My upcoming court case is of course weighing heavily on my mind and sole but not for my sake but the sake of my family. But even with that there are so many opportunities before me that there is tangible hope within reach. 

All I want for christmas....is apparently nothing I actually want

I'm on the precipice of losing my job and starting another, I'm completely penniles, got screwed of by Ben son's pet center again for a position there because the manager was too lazy to look at my over qualified resume and the mere fact that I've shopped there since I was 4 (so much for supporting local businesses. I'm stopping that practice right now) and I'm amidst frantic shoppers surrounded by amazing deals that I can't partake in. It's quite depressing. 

I rread thought this would be the Christmas where I could finally get my family nice gifts and something nice for myself but alas once again I'll be the tool bag who can't get anyone anything. Maybe I'll be in the spirit after my court date and when my job decides if I'm being terminated or not. Until then consider me scrooge.