Don't be insecure

It's another day but one day closer to my court day where my fate will be decided in more ways than one.
I know society expects someone who has done something unequivocally wrong to beat themselves up about it, to beg for forgiveness and commit other various acts of self loathing but I'm done with that portion of this experience.
I'm owning it and have owned it and there's nothing left to do but dust myself off and head in the right, well no, a better direction. No one can define "the right" path anymore than someone can define normal. It's all relative and completely subjective and no two people are working with the same variables.
I want to keep my job but yesterday I realized with a lot of help from a new book I've started reading, a place of yes by Bethenny Frankel, that I need to be realistic and start looking for a new job just in case. I am deserving of a job regardless of my actions.
I have a promising lead and probable interview for a local preschool and submitted an application to another local preschool establishment.
Today is my older brother's birthday and they're celebrating here and it will be awkward considering my current predicament but I'm coming from a place of yes and I'm not repenting anymore. 

I feel good, I walk alone But then I trip by myself and I fall I, I stand up, and then I'm okay But then you print that shit That makes me want to scream

The job hunt continues. I went all over Clifton Park and basically no one is hiring. I did find a few day care establishments who are looking to hire and my resume will show I'm more than qualified for any position than may have.
Let me clarify I'm only looking for a job in the event that I get terminated. I can't wait for a grenade to explode in my lap before I take action and do what's best for me.
I've received a shocking amount of support from fellow coworkers that means more than words can express. Especially considering I did something unquestionably wrong even if it wasn't out of malicious intent or frivolity.
Well all except one. One coworker who I thought I had developed a close relationship with who is telling people she just thinks I'm going to be terminated. It's really disappointing. Especially when no one can have anyway to predict the outcome. I'll admit that I feel I don't deserve sympathy but I know I don't deserve disrespect or to aid anyone in gossip mongering.
We live in a world where we've lost all sense of humanity.

" You can’t have my heart
And you won't use my mind but
Do what you want (with my body)
Do what you want with my body
You can’t stop my voice cause
You don't own my life but
Do what you want (with my body)
Do what you want (with my body)"