What a shame

Today is my three month review for my job. Basically where you find how your superiors think you're doing and if you continue on the probationary path that everyone starts on or if you're a solid employee. 

I'm always nervous when things like this come about but after the staff meeting I'm nervous squared because that went in a completely unforeseeable direction. It will be what it will be. I'm going in confident knowing I've only made one mistake, I got 10 med points which most new hires get and from my correspondence with most of the people I've trained with that's a pretty low number. 

My allergies are hitting hardcore and I'd like to trade my head for someone else's. I ask again- are sinuses medically neccisariy?! 

And to add to the mixture and the theme of feeling unbalanced we're moving tomorrow or Thursday. I'm so excited but so nervous at the same time. I've spent all my 27 years in this house. I've been able to walk around in this house in total darkness since I can remember. Both wonderfully blissful moments beyond my wildest dreams have happened and some of the most terrifyingly tragic moments happened too. 

I think I feel better when all my belongings are in the new house and the fresh start begins. 

When I look back at this year it's all been a fresh start and a blessing. I'm over a year out of my cancer diagnosis and treatment, I've started a new rewarding career that has enabled me to make a difference and has given me time to reflect on myself, to do and want better for myself and now the last piece of the puzzle- getting out of Clifton Park and moving into a wonderful bigger new home. 

On the target guy front- I've thrown in the towel. I'm not interested in the chase and I need to stop thinking it's ok for me to beg for someone to want to spend time with me.

So my date for the SIRSY show- my last boss Rose. An unexpected and cherished friend I made at the last daycare I worked out. She gets me. She is fabulous and real and when I'm with her I just have the most wonderful time. Better I should have someone with me I care about who didn't even hesitate to say yes when I asked her than some 23 year old who can't get their shit together. 

Just watch my wildest dreams come true, not one of them involving you

The target guy saga continues. I deleted his number and all texts so I couldn't be tempted to communicate with him and he texts me. Part of me was hoping he wouldn't and part of me was hoping he would. 

We had a short conversation this morning, he's on a bus headed to Jersey. But everytime I mention November 9th, the date of the Sirsy concert that I wanted to be out first date I don't so much as get a response. 

So today I texted him again about the 9th, 2 hours later no response. So I texted him "if you don't want to go it's totally fine but let me know so I can find another date" and deleted his number again. The ball is in his court. And until I hear an answer one way or another about the 9th I'm done. I don't enjoy the chase, playing games and if that's what he's looking for he won't get it from me. 

I mean how hard is it to say yes or no? I don't understanding making someone chase after you or keep them hanging. It doesn't set a pretty image for any future you might have with that person and it just makes them look irresponsible and careless. He's cute for sure but no Justin Timberlake and if he fell in my lap there's a good chance someone else will who won't need to be begged to go on a date. 

Some of us have to grow up sometimes

Had an ok weekend. Finally got my room completely packed which has taken a lot of anxiety off my shoulders. 

I won't lie. I got to the point where I was just chucking stuff so I wouldn't have to pack it. I feel like you get to this point where  everything is a blur and unless something really brings back a memory you just get rid of it. 

I went to target to get something...I can't remember what exactly. But I went to the only register that didn't have a million mothers with screaming children in their carts with half the store in their carts and this ridiculously hot guy rang me out. I asked him if he liked working at target because I did and hated it. It was like going to high school all over again but getting paid for it. They use to force me to wear a walkie talkie on my required khaki pants and I'd either take one that wasn't charged or turn it off so that way if they were looking for me they'd have to actually find me and I'd just pretend I had no clue that it was off. I pissed them off constantly. At the time I had the lg chocolate phone

that's main feature was being able to play music and I'd blast Paramore and put it in my ass pocket ass I was going around the store and I'd always put weird names on my name tag which didn't "fit the team standards" as you weren't allowed to stick out. I stopped showing up for work and 3 months later they called me to ask me why I hadn't showed up for my shift that day...I was like "um I haven't been there for 3 months..." 

Well anywho I told me about where I work, how much I love it, the great benefits and asked him if I could give my number on the very off chance he'd even bother to call or text. I was pretty sure he knew I was more interested in him they telling him about my job. 

Well a half hour later he texted me!  I guess what they say is true. It happens when you're not looking. 

He is so my type. His of some sort of Latino or Hispanic heritage, has stretched ears, tattoos and thisequestrian Mohawk... Makes me loins quiver. 

I'm going to try not to get get too excited but it's nice to know I can give someone my number and they think I'm hot enough to text me. 

I'm hoping he'll go with me to the SIRSY show next week. That would be a perfect first date. But we'll see. 

The tension has been brewing in the house as the move gets closer. My mom and I got into an argument that's kind of neverending. No matter what I do I'm always going to be the irresponsible train wreck and that doesn't give you any motivation to do anything differently.

I'm 27. I can't continue to be treated like I'm 16. 

I took a job I didn't want (but ended up liking) for the sole purpose of finally being able to payback my family for all the times they had to have my back, work doubles and double overnights to get over time. But I'm still irresponsible. 

I've been drug free for years now, don't smoke, don't hang out at bars and I'm not promiscuous. 

Today I am working a double but we have a Halloween party to go to. 

I'll finally get to wear my animal hoarder costume that I made last year but never got the chance to wear because I had vertigo. 

Here's hoping the party is fun, none of the animals I've attached to my costume fall off and I make it through the double.